In response to my blog post “10 ways to love your body”

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2 Comments

  1. Courteney

    Lorraine,

    I have so much respect for you–now even more than ever–knowing we experienced a mutual struggle. I’m currently a student-athlete pursing chemical engineering, but have always loved to bake and please people with impressive food since I was allowed to use an oven. I remember putting on Martha Stewart in my mom’s room after school and just appreciating the beauty and creativity in baking. Maybe that’s where my love for science stemmed from? Baking is a science!

    I struggled for two and a half years in high school and some of college with food and developed the “b word” (can’t be bothered to say it) and often felt very trapped. It was like a nightmare that wouldn’t stop repeating itself. I’d cry going to sleep not knowing if I could ever break the habit. Even though the disorder went away my freshman year of college, I relapsed a couple of times when I’d come home for break. I was so frustrated–I loved food, but couldn’t properly appreciate it all of the time. So I started to avoid it all together. After binging episodes I’d go for sometimes 48 hours without eating anything at all.

    After I hit my breaking point–being in horrible pain from stomach ulcers, breaking a brittle rib from just coughing, having to sit out of golf for an entire season, and my menstrual cycle stopping for a whole year–I had to come clean to my parents, even though I was so ashamed. I was too scared for my health. To my surprise, my dad told me he also suffered from an eating disorder as he used to model in Chicago and fell to the pressure of the industry.

    I think for me, there was so much pressure to get scholarship money and be a college athlete during high school that I think all the competition, training, and loneliness got to me. I also grew up with a gorgeous mom and two beautiful sisters while I felt I never really blossomed. Some days I wish I would’ve gotten professional help for my disorder, but I battled on my own anyway.

    Living on my own, having my own routine for gym and study, and having an amazing boyfriend to support me since November of 2015 have all contributed to my healing in the last couple of years. I believe these things have truly–finally–helped me learn how appreciate food and use it for nourishment instead of comfort. Exercise has really done a big part for my physical health–it got me to listen to my body and understand what it really needs. The love and support from my amazing Cedric has done everything for my mental health, on the other hand, which was perhaps the biggest blessing of all.

    All I want to say to you is thank you for being an amazing role model to a 21-year-old. I don’t think any of us grow out of “it”, we just learn to cope with the “perfection” mentality over time, and let anxiety subside with support from others around us. Self-criticism never hurts, but constantly beating ourselves up won’t ever heal us. I learned only recently that, sometimes in life, you need to reach out for others to help you. We can’t struggle alone in silence, because true strength is knowing when we need help! I’m still working on lowering my own standards, whether it be how I look, what grades I get, how I perform athletically, and even the health of my relationships.

    I never pour my soul out like this, but this is an exception. I watched the whole new season of Spring Baking Championship today and always admired you on other cooking programs, never knowing much about you. It’s only a coincidence that DailyMail published this article recently, because I didn’t know I could admire you more! Your healthy workout lifestyle, your food creations, your words–these are all things that I really relate to on an exceptionally deep level. I couldn’t help but reach out to you. You’ve been so brave–it’s not easy for the unfamous, let alone someone with your platform, to be so candid. Thank you so much, Lorraine.

    -Courteney

    Reply
    • lorraine pascale

      Hi Courteney, What an amazing inspiration you are. How incredible you have been through all of this and now are obviously flourishing. You story really is incredible and one which would really help others find the strength and hope to find help. I hope you do share it with others who find themselves struggling with food. Thank you so much for sharing. Big love Lorraine xxx

      Reply

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Hey, I am Lorraine Pascale, author, TV host and coach. I am here to help you have the courage to live the life you want.

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