You are good enough: Do you compare yourself with others  on Social Media? 

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4 Comments

  1. Simon Lewin

    Hi Lorraine, another thought provoking post that shows great wisdom and is full of truths about life. I dare say people were comparing themselves to others since they had the intellectual capacity to distinguish a ‘self’ and see how that may differ from others and how they valued certain characteristics over others. So much is subjective and each of us only knows and can only ever know what we think. That person we find amazing or that cake we find delicious, or that experience we find exciting. They are not ‘real’ in the sense that they are fixed properties of whatever one is judging. They don’t have measurable absolute values. When I interact with someone for example, I am interacting with myself. I might say something and the other person responds but my thought to say something and then their response is 100% processed from my point of view within my brain (as far as we know but let’s not start opening this up to the even more fundamental questions on what life is just now haha). Anyhow, I can never know what it is to be them. They responded to me and communicated something that I then processed. But that is as close as it gets.

    Social media has brought so much opportunity to compare and judge, and also most sadly has given a much bigger prominence to and an outlet for negativity. I believe that people who are negative are those with the issues but that doesn’t mean their nastiness doesn’t hurt others!
    For the rest of us, the majority, comparing does often can seem like a normal approach to making certain types of change but clearly it is getting out of hand. I for example want to be fitter so I look for a reference point online to compare my progress. I may think I am being sensible about it – The fitness of a 22 year old world champion doesn’t sound too much to aim for does it? Well of course it does for me and if I set my sights on that then I would always feel inadequate. However, to avoid any risk of that it is much better to set sensible goals based on yourself and your measurements. I can’t think of any circumstance when measurable changes cannot be set and monitored without any comparison with others. But if comparison is for subjective matters then that can only be wrong and is like denying yourself. Well, that is how I see it. If I wanted to look like X or be successful like Y etc then what good is that? Isn’t that change for change sake? One is what one is and each person’s definition of perfection or success in these examples is different. It is like expecting everyone to think the same movie is great and another is bad, or a particular comedian is funny and that other is not. We are not identical replicants and have different experiences and my view on beauty does not match someone else. I tend to like for example abstract and surreal art, romantic and sci fi movies and have no interest in football but someone else would have such different views! Neither view is wrong or right – or can be called perfect or not. So, why should someone want to do the equivalent of trying to changing themselves to like abstract art when they currently like Baroque art (I had to look up that up)? Isn’t that like comparing themselves to someone else and then feeling inadequate? Why? You are who you are and that is good enough!

    Nothing beats happiness and the road to happiness is from within. The easiest journey on that road is to trust in yourself because otherwise you will so easily become lost!

    Well, I have types lots and maybe far to much to get my point over! 😮 Maybe it is a dyslexic thing but I am what I am and hope my ramblings are meaningful to some and not offensive to any!

    I love to chat for hours about such things; preferably lying on some warm deserted sandy beach gazing at the stars and listening to the waves. Haha, I started dreaming now. Take care

    Reply
  2. Douglas Craver

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I’ve heard the claim that women base their happiness on their relationships and men base it on how they see themselves against their peers. I used to drive myself crazy with the comparisons, comparing myself against my peers. I’ve never gone down the rabbit hole of comparing myself with public figures, or what I see on social media, since I’m mostly an introvert and wouldn’t want to be in the media cross hairs like that. I also know how hard it is to make a living as a creative, waking up ever day, under pressure to be brilliant again, to innovate again, etc.

    I’ve battled depression through the years so this comparison trap only made life futile from a productivity standpoint. Learning not to start waterfall thinking or remunerating was extremely helpful. I too find relief in close friends, cooking, sailing, fresh air, nature, and music. And my German Shepherd Meeka brings instant comfort and a rush of endorphins. But probably the biggest help was the wisdom of growing older. That everyone has their own timing and it is not a matter of when but if.

    Lastly, meditation has been a huge help. Learning to not fight my feelings and thoughts but to experience them and let them pass through. Resting my brain brings the greatest return considering the low level of effort…a beautiful thing indeed. Feeling amused as I just looked up and saw that this post fell between “Sweet Potato Tortilla with Jalapenos & Dill” and “Cheeky White Chocolate Cherries!”. How fun is that? “Cheeky White Chocolate Cherries!” is enough to pull anyone out of a funk, both through making them and definitely through eating them. Peace, DC

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Hey, I am Lorraine Pascale, author, TV host and coach. I am here to help you have the courage to live the life you want.

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